We are in Dayton, Ohio and your announcers are Jerry Lawler, Mauro Ranallo, and Byron Saxton.
We begin with Chris Jericho making his way to the ring.
Chris welcomes everyone to Thursday Night Jericho. He says it is the return of Y2J to Smackdown after fourteen long months and it feels good. In three short days, we have the biggest Royal Rumble in the history of the WWE because for the first time ever, the winner of the Royal Rumble match walks out as the WWE World Champion.
When Y2J returns, big things happen, just like what happened on Raw. We had the greatest Highlight Reel in history. We have a video package from Raw.
Chris says all hell broke loose on Monday night, but what else do you expect when the top three odds on favorites in the ring at the same time. Roman might be the World Champion and Brock might be the Beast Incarnate, but Chris says that he is the savior of the WWE and he will win the Royal Rumble. . .
Big E interrupts Jericho and he makes his way to the ring with Kofi and Xavier.
Big E questions the use of savior in his house. He tells Christophe shame. He says that Chris had the gall to destroy their beautiful trombone Francesca and now you are yukking it up while they are in mourning.
Kofi suggests that they should make a documentary about Chris and Xavier says it could be called ‘Making a Brass Murderer’ and they would not have to plan any evidence since it is all on video. Xavier says that Christal is guilty and he should feel shame.
Big E says you are showing not one ounce of remorse.
Xavier says Chris is cold as ice and he would not give a crippled crab a crutch because he is cold blooded.
Kofi tells Cristobal some good news. Even the most heinous of criminals can be reformed and rehabilitated and become a contributor to society.
Xavier wants Chris and everyone to bow their heads for a moment of silence for Francesca.
Chris asks if he is the only one who thinks this is ridiculous holding a moment of silence for a trombone. He cannot stop thinking about the horns on their heads and he says it reminds him of something that Confucius once said. Sometimes a unicorn is not a unicorn, it is sometimes a jackass with a plunger stuck on its face.
Chris says if you want to be unicorns, that is fine. They live in a free society. You need better unicorn names. Kofi is not a good name. How about sparkles, chuckles, Bartholomew, or Rooty. Chris suggests that Xavier can be Tooty. Before Chris can get to the final name, he is stopped by the New Day.
Chris eventually calls Big E ‘Booty’ and the crowd repeats what Chris said.
The New Day get in the ring and Chris says he would love to beat all of their bony jabroni behinds over the rainbow, but he will not do that because the New Day already has a six man tag match. Chris says they will not be happy when they find out who their opponents are.
Jimmy Uso and Jey Uso come out and do their Haka. They are joined by their partner, Dolph Ziggler.
Match Number One: Kofi Kingston, Big E, and Xavier Woods versus Jimmy Uso, Jey Uso, and Dolph Ziggler
Kofi and Jimmy start things off and Jimmy with a wrist lock. Kofi with a reversal and he takes Jimmy to the mat. Jimmy with chops but Kofi with an Irish whip and Jimmy slides into the corner and connects with an uppercut. Jey tags in and they hit a double back elbow and double elbow drop for a near fall. Kofi with a punch and Woods tags in. Jey with an arm drag into an arm bar.
Jey with a slam and he kicks Woods in the corner. Ziggler tags in and he drop kicks Woods and gets a near fall. Ziggler with a wrist lock and he wrings the arm. Ziggler mocks the New Day cadence. Ziggler with a neck breaker and he mocks Big E’s dancing and hits an elbow drop and gets a near fall.
Ziggler is backed into the corner and Big E tags in and he connects with a forearm and belly-to-belly suplex. Big E hits the Warrior Splash for a near fall. Kofi tags in and he stomps on the arm. Kofi with an uppercut and drop kick. Woods tags in and he drop kicks Ziggler to return the favor from earlier in the match and Woods gets a near fall.
Woods with a Sliding D and Kofi gets a near fall. Kofi with a chin lock but Ziggler with an elbow. Ziggler punches Kofi but Kofi with a knee and he sends Ziggler into the turnbuckles and punches him. Kofi misses a splash into the corner when Ziggler moves but Kofi lands on the turnbuckles. Kofi comes off the turnbuckles and Ziggler with a drop kick and both men are down.
Jimmy tags in and clotheslines Woods. Jimmy with a flying forearm and a splash into the corner. Jimmy with an Irish whip and drop kick into the corner. Jimmy sets for the running butt splash and he connects. Jimmy clotheslines Woods on the apron. Jimmy with an uppercut to Kofi but Woods distracts the referee and Big E hip tosses Jimmy over the top rope and onto the apron.
We go to commercial.
We are back and Big E with an abdominal stretch to Jimmy. We see Big E run Jimmy into the ringside barrier during the commercial break. Big E hits Jimmy to the New Day beat. Big E kicks Jimmy in the corner. Kofi tags in and kicks Jimmy. Xavier with kicks. Big E tags in and kicks Jimmy. Kofi with more kicks to Jimmy. Woods tags in and Woods is Irish whipped into a drop kick in the corner and Big E and Kofi dance on the apron and in the ropes.
Woods with a sliding flatline and he gets a near fall. Woods with a head lock. Jimmy tries for a sunset flip but Woods stays on his feet long enough to make the tag to Big E. Woods with an Irish whip into a Big E clothesline and Big E gets a near fall. Big E knocks Jey off the apron. Big E puts Jimmy in the turnbuckles and connects with forearms to the back. Big E gets Jimmy on his shoulders and Jimmy gets to the turnbuckles and kicks Big E away. Jimmy with a corkscrew senton and he takes Big E down.
Ziggler and Woods tag in and Ziggler with running clotheslines followed by a splash and neck breaker. Ziggler with a jumping elbow drop and he gets a near fall. Ziggler with a Fameasser and he takes care of Kofi on the apron. Ziggler gets back dropped over the top rope and he hits the ring steps before landing on the ground. Before Ziggler went down, Jey was able to make the tag and he hits a cross body on Woods followed by a thrust kick and uppercut. Woods lands on his feet on a belly-to-back suplex attempt.
Jey with a running drop kick and then he misses the running butt splash when Woods moves. Jey with a Samoan drop to Woods. Big E tries to get involved but Jimmy with a super kick. Kofi misses Trouble in Paradise and Jimmy with a dragon whip. Jimmy with a plancha onto Big E and Kofi.
Woods hits Jey from behind and Jey with an elbow and Ziggler tags in. Jimmy and Jey help Dolph hit a triple super kick for the three count.
Winners: Dolph Ziggler, Jimmy Uso, and Jey Uso
We go to commercial.
We are back and it is time to take a look at the Numbers behind the Royal Rumble Match.
Before our next match, Ric Flair and Charlotte make their way to the ring to watch Charlotte’s opponent on Sunday night.
Match Number Two: Becky Lynch versus Alicia Fox (with Brie Bella)
They lock up and Becky with a side head lock. Alicia with an escape and knee to the midsection. Alicia with an Irish whip but Becky with a drop toe hold and snap leg drop followed by a corkscrew snap leg drop and she gets a near fall. Alicia goes to the floor and Becky follows because Alicia is taking her time outside the ring.
Alicia with a kick and Northern Lights suplex and bridge on the floor. Alicia sends Becky back into the ring and Alicia sends Becky into the turnbuckles. Alicia with a slam and she gets a near fall. Becky with an arm drag and rollup for a near fall. Becky with a European uppercut and other offensive moves by Becky while the cameras focus on Flair berating the announcers.
Becky with clotheslines and an Irish whip and a double jump kick in the corner. Becky with an Exploder for a near fall. Becky runs into a knee from Alicia and Alicia tries for a slam but Becky counters into DisArmHer and Alicia taps out.
Winner: Becky Lynch
We go to commercial.
We are back and it is time for MizTV and Miz is in the ring.
Miz welcomes everyone to MizTV. He mentions that his guests will be in a Last Man Standing at the Royal Rumble for the Intercontinental Title. Miz mentions that a pinfall will not be enough. The match ends when a man cannot get up before a count of ten. You must break your opponent’s body and mind. It is the most brutal . . .
Dean Ambrose’s music plays and interrupts Miz.
Dean thanks Miz for the introduction and he says he will take over. A Last Man Standing match is serious and someone can get hurt. Miz tries to stop Ambrose and Ambrose says that it is not like a match, it is like an Amusement Park. Miz tells Ambrose to be quiet when he hand goes up.
Dean says when his fist hits Miz’ face, your mouth goes shut.
Miz asks Dean if he thinks he can do this better. Ambrose thinks he can and so do the people in Dayton. Miz says he is sick of being interrupted and disrespected so he will sit in the corner and you can enjoy DeanTV.
Dean thanks Miz and he tells the bonehead to sit in the corner. He says a Last Man Standing match is like an Amusement Park. A ride the roller coasters all day until you puke amusement park. It isn’t always pretty, but it is always fun. A carnival of pain and destruction. He plans on taking Kevin Owens on as many rides as possible.
Dean says that Kevin likes to use the edge of the ring and he will give Kevin a taste of his own medicine and break him in half. Dean asks if anyone else thinks that Kevin looks like a bear, a fuzzy but mean bear. He calls it a bear trap. He will get one of Kevin’s paws stuck in the steps and then he can smash his face into the steel, hit him with chairs, kendo sticks, cheese graters, or the new Smackdown announcer.
Then they can move to his favorite place. Dean says he calls this ride Memory Lane, back where it all started. It was not too long ago that Kevin put him through this announce table with a power bomb in his attempt to make him crazy. Dean says he is busting at the seams at the thought of getting his hands on Kevin Owens. He will put Kevin Owens through the table, he will keep him down, and Dean will be the Last Man Standing.
Kevin Owens makes his way to the stage now that Dean is finished.
Kevin tells Dean that he has put a lot of thought into this amusement park thing but it means nothing to him because Kevin says he is a zoo enthusiast himself. You may be insane, but Kevin says he is obsessed. He is obsessed with the Intercontinental Title. It is his and he will stop at nothing to get it back.
Kevin tells Dean that his insanity might help him get back up, but Kevin says his obsession will help him knock Dean back down until he cannot get up. Your insanity has taken you quite far but it will be your downfall. You will not know when the fight is over on Sunday because you will be unconscious and Kevin will be standing over you as the Intercontinental Champion.
Dean says they don’t have to wait until Sunday and they can do it right now.
Miz attacks Ambrose from behind and punches him. Miz with a running boot to the head. Owens watches from the stage and then he starts to make his way to the ring.
Miz with a kick to Ambrose.
Owens enters the ring and he stands next to Miz . . . and Owens kicks Miz and hits a pop up power bomb on Miz.
Owens kicks Miz and then Owens tells Dean that Sunday is the Kevin Owens Show. Dean with a forearm and he tries for the double underhook DDT but Owens gets out of the ring. Dean wants to hit a DDT on someone, so he picks up Miz and hits the double underhook DDT.
The Wyatts interrupt Jerry Lawler talking about Bray’s match against Ryback.
Bray tells Smackdown they are here.
Match Number Three: Ryback versus Bray Wyatt ( with Luke Harper, Braun Strowman, and Erick Rowan)
They lock up momentarily and Ryback wants to be fed. Wyatt has a kick blocked and Ryback with a flying cross body and he punches Wyatt. Ryback with a running shoulder tackle and Wyatt with an uppercut. Wyatt with a forearm and head butt to Ryback. Wyatt with another punch and Ryback with a Thesz Press and he slams Wyatt’s head into the mat. Wyatt goes to the floor and Ryback follows to the floor. Wyatt gives Ryback a uranage onto the apron and we go to commercial.
We are back Wyatt with a splash into the corner and he goes onto the turnbuckles. Ryback grabs Wyatt and hits a power bomb. Ryback with a knee into the corner and a super kick to Wyatt. Ryback with a standing splash for a near fall. Ryback holds his back as he goes to the apron and up top in front of Strowman.
Ryback misses a frog splash and Wyatt with a uranage and back senton for a near fall. Wyatt with a boot to Ryback and then Wyatt looks back at Ryback. Wyatt runs into a spinebuster from Ryback for a near fall. Ryback sets for the clothesline and he hits it. Ryback signals that it is over but Harper gets on the apron and Rowan pulls Wyatt off Ryback. Wyatt sends Ryback to the floor and Strowman sends Ryback into the ring steps.
Wyatt brings Ryback into the ring and he hits Sister Abigail for the three count.
Winner: Bray Wyatt
After the match, Bray says they slayed the beast Brock Lesnar on Monday. At the Royal Rumble, it will be the rest as the Apocalypse comes.
Bray tells us to Follow the Buzzards as we go to commercial.
We are back and before our next match, Titus O’Neil appears in the Goldman Box. He says The Royal Rumble match is like being on the line of scrimmage. Bodies flying all over the place, people coming at you from all angles. This year it is for the WWE Championship. Opportunities like this do not always happen. This could be his National Championship or Super Bowl.
Match Number Four: Stardust versus Titus O’Neil
Stardust goes to the floor as soon as the bell rings. He returns to the ring and avoids Titus for a moment before Titus chops Stardust. Titus with another chop. Titus with a biel. Stardust has a kick blocked and Stardust goes to the floor. Titus follows and Stardust runs Titus into the ring post.
Stardust with a knee to knock Titus off the apron. Stardust sends Titus into the ringside barrier. Stardust with forearms to Titus and he sends him back into the ring and gets a near fall. Stardust with a knee to the back and a quarter nelson and chin lock. Titus with an elbow and shoulder tackle. Titus with a punch to Stardust and shoulder tackle. Titus with another clothesline. Stardust with a kick but Titus with a boot to the head.
Titus barks and hits a splash into the corner. Titus picks up Stardust but Titus cannot keep Stardust up due to injured ribs. Stardust with a DDT and he goes up top. Titus kicks the ropes and Stardust is crotched. Titus hits Clash of the Titus for the three count.
Kalisto is in the back getting ready for an interview as we go to commercial.
We are back and Renee Young is with Kalisto in the interview area. She asks Kalisto about his rematch against Alberto Del Rio and if he is prepared. Kalisto says in Mexico, Alberto Del Rio is up there with the likes of Mil Mascaras, Rey Mysterio, and Eddie Guerrero. He has accomplished so much and he is someone to look up to.
Alberto is bigger and stronger, but Kalisto says he is used to being David and fighting Goliaths. He has beaten Alberto twice before and at the Royal Rumble, he will beat Alberto again.
Alberto interrupts and he tells Kalisto his victories were a fluke. As far as the United States Title is concerned, you are nothing.
Sheamus, Rusev, and Wade Barrett come up from behind as Del Rio pushes Kalisto and then they pinball Kalisto around. Rusev holds Kalisto while Del Rio punches him. Sheamus gives Kalisto a Brogue Kick.
Before our main event, Roman Reigns has something to say. He says that Vince gave him the hot spot, number one in the Royal Rumble. Roman is shocked that Vince would do that to him. Roman says it is because Vince is trying to stack the odds like he does every week. Roman says he is walking in as champ and he will walk out as the champ. Roman says he is not crazy, he believes in the big fight. When you are taking on twenty nine other competitors, that is the biggest fight. It will be one versus all on Sunday. Tonight it is one versus the League of Nations and he likes his odds tonight.
Match Number Five: Alberto Del Rio, Sheamus, Wade Barrett, and Rusev versus Roman Reigns
Sheamus starts things off against Reigns and they lock up. Reigns pushes Sheamus away as Sheamus tries to get Roman into his corner. Sheamus with a front face lock but Roman escapes. Rusev tags in and Rusev tries to pull Roman into the corner. Reigns with a side head lock and shoulder tackle. Rusev goes over the top rope to the floor when Reigns drops down. Reigns sends Rusev into the ringside barrier.
Reigns with a clothesline to Rusev in the corner. Reigns with a forearm to Sheamus. Reigns goes after Del Rio and Barrett on the apron and Rusev hits Reigns from behind and hits a splash followed by a fallaway slam and Rusev gets a near fall. Rusev kicks Reigns and tags in Sheamus. Sheamus with a European uppercut and suplex for a near fall.
Rusev tags back in and he kicks Reigns and punches him. Rusev with boots to the back. Rusev tells Reigns to tag in his partner, but he does not have one. Rusev chokes Reigns in the ropes. Del Rio chokes Reigns while the referee was turned around by Rusev. Sheamus tags in and he kicks Reigns.
Sheamus with an elbow to the back and a rear chin lock. Sheamus with a reverse chin lock and punches. Sheamus with an Irish whip and knee into the corner. Reigns with a clothesline to Sheamus and both men are down. Sheamus tags in Rusev and he misses a slash into the corner. Reigns with two clotheslines and then he hits Neverending Story on Rusev. Reigns with a flying clothesline and he sets for the Superman punch.
Barrett and Del Rio grab Reigns by the leg and Sheamus kicks Reigns. The referee calls for the bell.
Winner: Roman Reigns (by disqualification)
After the match, Rusev, Sheamus, Del Rio, and Barrett attack Reigns. Rusev sets for the jumping thrust kick and he connects. Rusev sets for the Accolade on Reigns but the Uso’s music plays and they come to the ring and they fight off Sheamus and Rusev. Jimmy and Jey with thrust kicks to Sheamus and Rusev. Rusev with a jumping thrust kick and Sheamus with a Brogue Kick.
Reigns with a Superman punch to Rusev and a spear to Sheamus.
The lights go out and then they come back on and the Wyatts surround the ring.
Reigns struggles to get back to his feet and then Reigns punches Strowman and Rowan. Harper with a kick but Reigns sends Harper and Rowan to the floor. Strowman stands across the ring from Reigns and Reigns with punches. Strowman sends Reigns over the top rope and Harper with an uppercut while Rowan hits a spinning heel kick. Wyatt wants Reigns brought back into the ring and Bray tells Braun to do something. Strowman with a Dominator to Reigns.
Rowan and Strowman give Reigns to Wyatt for Sister Abigail.
We go to credits.